Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Self-Sabotage

 This question has been on of the most common questions asked during a job interview.  My mom used to tell me to say "I'm a perfectionist" because it shows you're a high achiever in whatever you do.  This is definitely a good aspiration, however, being a perfectionist has some downsides.

A expert professor, Gordon Flett of York University, describes perfectionist in this way:

“Perfectionism is the need to be – or to appear – perfect.
Perfectionists are persistent, detailed and organized high achievers.
Perfectionists vary in their behaviors: some strive to conceal their imperfections; others attempt to project an image of perfection.
But all perfectionists have in common extremely high standards for themselves or for others.”

As I am reflecting on who I am, I'm realizing that this deep desire to be, or rather appear perfect is actually prohibiting me from being exactly what I'm striving for.  The issue that arises with this trait is that I tend to set up unrealistic expectations for myself because I feel that everything has to be in place before I can move forward with a project.  This is what my old employer called "analysis paralysis".  I'm constantly gathering, researching, and analyzing information that I create a state of paralysis because I've accumulated so much information I don't know where to begin.

Also, perfectionist are typically very self-critical.  In my opinion,  most things that I do aren't good enough.  I'm trying to be the perfect woman, perfect believer, perfect lover, perfect friend, perfect business woman which is an impossible goal.  I don't want to fail.......at anything.  This of course is all a matter of perspective because failure is a part of the process.  When you "fail", ideally you should focus on what you can learn from the situation to move forward versus putting your attention on the "failure" itself.

I feel compelled to always be busy doing something. Sometimes I drive myself insane because I'm not doing anything, except what I want to do but I'm beating myself up for doing what I want to do and there is nobody telling me that I should be doing something different. It's only me that's applying this self-imposed pressure.  There is no one standing over me, it's just me cracking the whip at myself.  So I'm thinking it's time to give myself a break.  Instead of projecting an image of someone who is perfect and has everything together (I don't), I'm vowing to be more of who I really am which is a flawed human being.  Someone who is making my own way in this world with no instruction manual but figuring it out along the way.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Becoming the Best Version of Me

For years I have been called on for advice. Family, friends, relatives of friends,  friends of friends, co-workers and strangers.  I started getting calls requesting "sessions" with me.  I realized then my talent and passion was in helping people.   I've always loved listening to people's life stories, getting to know them, listening to what makes them tick, and generally peering into someone else's perspective on life.  I developed a keen listening ability.  That coupled with always playing  "devils advocate"  trained me to see the other side of the coin in situations being discussed.  When being called on for advice, those skills are the reasons I became a wholeness life coach.

As with anyone though, we struggle with self-doubt.  Sometimes it can be crippling to the point where we don't move. We get clouded about the next steps to take so we become paralyzed.   This is where I currently reside, a state of paralysis, wondering what's the next move.  It seems an oxymoron to be a wholeness coach, but you're in need of coaching.  And I tend to be a bit critical of myself when I think of that fact.  But always in my unique fashion, I flip to the other side of the coin.  Instead of criticizing, and doubting, I'm going to help myself in the way only I know how.

The same listening ear I give to others, I'm giving to myself.   The ability to help others recognize habits that are no longer beneficial for them, I'm going to help myself realize.  The advice I've provided to countless others to help them move past shackling issues, I'm giving to myself.  I'm deciding to dive deep within myself for my own continual path to wholeness.

We're forever expanding and constantly having new life experiences therefore there will always be times when we need to check in with ourselves, listen, identify the roadblock or hindrance and develop a strategy to regain balance and move past it.  So here I go, sitting on my own "couch" for coaching.  I'm ready.




Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Fulfilling my purpose

Seven years ago I began this blog as a hobby, a platform for self-expression.   Much has changed in my life since then.  I am now a life coach, spiritual teacher and speaker.  I founded Souls of Women Speak which is a platform created for the empowerment of women from all backgrounds helping them remember who they are and the power of their voice.  I will be transitioning this blog from personal use to my business to keep you all updated on upcoming speaking engagements and events.  Stay tuned.