Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Self-Sabotage

 This question has been on of the most common questions asked during a job interview.  My mom used to tell me to say "I'm a perfectionist" because it shows you're a high achiever in whatever you do.  This is definitely a good aspiration, however, being a perfectionist has some downsides.

A expert professor, Gordon Flett of York University, describes perfectionist in this way:

“Perfectionism is the need to be – or to appear – perfect.
Perfectionists are persistent, detailed and organized high achievers.
Perfectionists vary in their behaviors: some strive to conceal their imperfections; others attempt to project an image of perfection.
But all perfectionists have in common extremely high standards for themselves or for others.”

As I am reflecting on who I am, I'm realizing that this deep desire to be, or rather appear perfect is actually prohibiting me from being exactly what I'm striving for.  The issue that arises with this trait is that I tend to set up unrealistic expectations for myself because I feel that everything has to be in place before I can move forward with a project.  This is what my old employer called "analysis paralysis".  I'm constantly gathering, researching, and analyzing information that I create a state of paralysis because I've accumulated so much information I don't know where to begin.

Also, perfectionist are typically very self-critical.  In my opinion,  most things that I do aren't good enough.  I'm trying to be the perfect woman, perfect believer, perfect lover, perfect friend, perfect business woman which is an impossible goal.  I don't want to fail.......at anything.  This of course is all a matter of perspective because failure is a part of the process.  When you "fail", ideally you should focus on what you can learn from the situation to move forward versus putting your attention on the "failure" itself.

I feel compelled to always be busy doing something. Sometimes I drive myself insane because I'm not doing anything, except what I want to do but I'm beating myself up for doing what I want to do and there is nobody telling me that I should be doing something different. It's only me that's applying this self-imposed pressure.  There is no one standing over me, it's just me cracking the whip at myself.  So I'm thinking it's time to give myself a break.  Instead of projecting an image of someone who is perfect and has everything together (I don't), I'm vowing to be more of who I really am which is a flawed human being.  Someone who is making my own way in this world with no instruction manual but figuring it out along the way.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Becoming the Best Version of Me

For years I have been called on for advice. Family, friends, relatives of friends,  friends of friends, co-workers and strangers.  I started getting calls requesting "sessions" with me.  I realized then my talent and passion was in helping people.   I've always loved listening to people's life stories, getting to know them, listening to what makes them tick, and generally peering into someone else's perspective on life.  I developed a keen listening ability.  That coupled with always playing  "devils advocate"  trained me to see the other side of the coin in situations being discussed.  When being called on for advice, those skills are the reasons I became a wholeness life coach.

As with anyone though, we struggle with self-doubt.  Sometimes it can be crippling to the point where we don't move. We get clouded about the next steps to take so we become paralyzed.   This is where I currently reside, a state of paralysis, wondering what's the next move.  It seems an oxymoron to be a wholeness coach, but you're in need of coaching.  And I tend to be a bit critical of myself when I think of that fact.  But always in my unique fashion, I flip to the other side of the coin.  Instead of criticizing, and doubting, I'm going to help myself in the way only I know how.

The same listening ear I give to others, I'm giving to myself.   The ability to help others recognize habits that are no longer beneficial for them, I'm going to help myself realize.  The advice I've provided to countless others to help them move past shackling issues, I'm giving to myself.  I'm deciding to dive deep within myself for my own continual path to wholeness.

We're forever expanding and constantly having new life experiences therefore there will always be times when we need to check in with ourselves, listen, identify the roadblock or hindrance and develop a strategy to regain balance and move past it.  So here I go, sitting on my own "couch" for coaching.  I'm ready.




Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Fulfilling my purpose

Seven years ago I began this blog as a hobby, a platform for self-expression.   Much has changed in my life since then.  I am now a life coach, spiritual teacher and speaker.  I founded Souls of Women Speak which is a platform created for the empowerment of women from all backgrounds helping them remember who they are and the power of their voice.  I will be transitioning this blog from personal use to my business to keep you all updated on upcoming speaking engagements and events.  Stay tuned.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

With a New Year come changes and New Ideas

So here we are at the start of a new year and as always this time is when resolutions are normally made.....stop smoking, lose weight, get married, etc.  I am no exception, however I choose not to use the term resolution, instead I have goals that  I'd like to accomplish during this year and beyond.  As you may have noticed I've been on a bit of a hiatus from blogging mainly because I'd gotten caught up in simple day to day activities. I was distracted and I needed to refocus.

I've been a bit recluse,  probably not as much as I should but somewhat in an attempt to regroup and focus on me.  Thankfully during that short period of time I had an opportunity to reflect on some of the decisions that I'd made in the last year and how those decisions negatively effected me. I also received clarity as to what changes were necessary for me to make in order to move forward.  Once those things were addressed I was able to refocus my attention on me and the things that I enjoy thus bringing me back here.

There are a number of things I would like to get involved in this year, goals that I would like to accomplish or at least get them started.  I won't go into all of them but blogging more regularly in definitely one of them.  In a previous post I indicated I couldn't really determine what type of blog site this should be.  However, based on the title of the blog "Uni-QUE-lyMe" I have decided that I'll write about me.  There are so many things that interest me and I don't want to limit myself to just one thing.  I recognize that everyone may not be interested in everything that I am but I hope to find an audience that can relate to me.

I have decided to start another blog dedicated to an online business I'm getting involved in.  I had not mentioned this in a post before but I LOVE fashion.....clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. but specifically vintage.  I wouldn't necessarily wear a vintage outfit from head to to but I will certainly mix and match current pieces with some vintage items.  I buy and sell vintage pieces from the 50's-90's and so I will have a blog solely dedicated to that business.

I have so much more to say but this post is getting a bit long so I'll stop for tonight but I'll be back in touch soon.

Thanks for checking in.
Until next time.....

*deuces*
Que

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Is Beyonce's Pregnancy Throwing Shade at Single Mothers?



By now most of us have been inundated with Bey & Jay's baby news so the excitement has worn off but apparantly all the conversation surrounding her pregnancy has generated a bit of controversy.  Since the couple married three years ago speculation and stories have been stirred up of a pregnancy in the Carter family.  Now that the pregnancy has been confirmed everyone is offering up well wishes to the couple and commending Bey for doing it the "right way".  Meaning she dated, married and THEN became pregnant.  Even rapper J. cole said the couple were representing black people "correctly".   

Are we over-glorifying Beyonce for following a certain order meanwhile condemning single mothers of whom we know not their circumstances?  Has Beyonce done something unheard of by marrying before becoming pregnant?  I mean let's face it women do this everyday, she is not the exception. I understand that it may not seem common place with the Basketball (non)Wives or the ladies of Love & Hip Hop plastered across our TV screens weekly but it happens people. 

However, I don't think the simple statement of her doing it the "right way" is an attack on single mothers either.  Everyone has varying circumstances so to pass judgment on a single mom is a bit close-minded. 

What do you think of this conversation surrounding Bey's pregnancy?


Deal of the Week-50% off


This is for all my make-up junkies.  Get 50% E.L.F. cosmetics from their mineral and Studio lines.  For those familiar with E.L.F  cosmetics know these lines are the "most expensive".  I use that term loosely though because they're still only between $3-$5 per item.   So basically you can load up at 50% off!!!

This deal is good for the next two days so jump on it while you can.  Access the deal here.

Until next time....
*deuces*

Que

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Black & Purple, Black & Purple, Black & Purple!

Clearly I got Wiz Khalifah on my mind!  Although this is not a post about music rather a beauty posting, FOTD (face of the day).  I have become such a make-up junkie but I rarely wear it.  So I took note from Sabrina over at ShinyHappyPretty and shopped my stash.  I decided on a dramatic/smokey eye look using Sleek's Bad Girl (hehehe) palette.



 Products used:

~Lips~
Sleek's Amethyst

~Cheeks~
Black Radiance-Plum Sorbet
Sleek's Contour Palette (Dark)

~Eyes~
Two Faced Shadow Insurance
NYX Jumbo pencil in Black Bean
Sleeks's Bad Girl e/s Twilight
Bad girl e/s Noir
NYX Jumbo pencil in Milk
Milani Liquif Eye Metallic Pencil in Black


What do you think?

Until next time....
*deuces*
Que